MVA
by bashanbrunka
Summary: a wacky story about our fav. Newport residents--read at night, things are funnier then. Please review!
1. Of Seth Cohen Killing Anna Stern

Title: MVA  
  
Authors: Basha and Brunka  
  
Disclaimer: We own nothing, DUH! Except for certain characters who will appear later.  
  
PLEASE REVIEW! Insane people need support too!  
  
Chapter 1: of Seth Cohen killing Anna Stern   
  
Once upon a time in a land far far away called Newport Beach...  
  
Seth Cohen and his girlfriend Summer Roberts decided to spend the day at the zoo. A new monkey exhibit had just opened and Seth wanted to take a picture of them to send to the Nana.  
  
Summer went to stand by the monkeys for her photo when GASP! She was captured by one. The large and ugly monkey carried Summer behind the monkey cage and ripped off its mask.  
  
BEHOLD! Beneath the simian veneer was the one and only bitch Anna Stern.  
  
Back at Anna's secret headquarters (her attic), she tied Summer to a chair and began scolding her for having relations with her brother. (Opps, that was "Flowers in the Attic", she thought to herself)  
  
oh well, no matter, why not chop off the hair anyway?  
  
So off went Summer's long locks. And onto the head off Anna were they glued.  
  
Anna, now convinced she looked exactly like Summer, strolled out of her house wearing only Summer's hair and a toga she had made herself out of old newspaper clippings and one of those newspaper hats grandpas love to make in their spare time.  
  
Upon finding Seth, Anna flung her arms around his neck proclaiming, "I am Summer, kiss me you fool!"  
  
And Seth, although fairly clueless sometimes, did notice that the newspaper wearing woman with hair glued to her head was not indeed his girlfriend, but the one and only weird ugly freak Anna Stern.  
  
"What the Hell?!?!" He exclaimed, "Where the hell is Summer, you ass? What did you do to her? And why do you have her hair glued to your head? And why the hell are you wearing newspaper?"  
  
"Well, Seth, you must be very confused, for I am the Summer of whom you speak. It is I, my darling! Have you missed me? Come let us run in the surf together, and then you may wear a beautiful newspaper outfit of your own, I have made one especially for you!"  
  
Seth baffled and confused stared into space for a few moments before snapping back to reality and hitting Anna. HARD. Those macho lessons from Ryan had really payed off.  
  
Frazzled by the mighty blow dealt by Seth, Anna stumbled into the road, right into the middle of oncoming traffic.  
  
SLAMMMMMMMMMMMMMM  
  
SWEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKK  
  
The sounds of a horrible traffic accident mingle with the odd barking noise that escaped from Anna's mouth.  
  
Her legs had severed completely from her body, laying haphazardly in the drive thru of a nearby In-n-Out Burger.  
  
Before drifting into unconsciousness she barked her plea to the nearest EMT, "If at all possible, I'd like for my new legs to be those of a flamingo. Pinky, is my most favorite graphic cartoon heroine ever. My Seth would love me if I was just like her."  
  
The EMT gave her an odd look, and wrote down the request.  
  
What the fuck is wrong with these rich people? Flamingo legs? Jesus Christ, and a fucking newspaper dress, with glued on hair. I never should have left Nebraska. Thought the EMT  
  
Seth stormed into Anna's attic desperate to find Summer.  
  
In a dimly lit corner, Seth finds Summer. Bald, making paper dolls, eating poisoned cookies, and wearing an old orange house coat and a purple tiara with the words "Party like it's 1999!"displayed proudly on the front in gold letters.  
  
"Summer, what the hell happened, you're bald!"  
  
"Nuhuh, Shut up Cohen! Want a cookie? Mmmm good!"  
  
"No thanks Summer, I think those might not be the best things to eat, and besides I just had some In-n-Out."  
  
"Oh, okay, Cohen, do ya wanna play paper dolls? This one is Morgana yours can be Heschi."  
  
"Summer, lets go, what did she do to you?" "Who? The cookie lady? She gave me this pretty dress to wear. And A CROWN!!! She said I was a princess, and this was my CASTLE! Ooohhh it's so pretty, I never want to leave!"  
  
"Come on Summer, time to leave now." Seth chided, then he carried her to the car.  
  
After a nice long visit to the hospital Summer was released, the drugs from the cookies had worn off, and she had agreed to take off the house coat and crown. Unfortunately, she now knew her hair was gone. She spent a good 20 minutes trying to remove the doctor's, but in the end he won, and Summer left wearing an angry trucker hat and a frown.  
  
weeks later, Summer had agreed to leave the house. And she and Seth went for a walk on the pier. Suddenly they heard a loud noise. Squawking and little yelps of "Ouch!"resounded throughout the harbor area.  
  
"What the hell is that? It looks like a giant chicken!"  
  
"No, wait it's a person. No, wait it's Anna! On flamingo legs?!?!?!?!"  
  
So Anna spent the rest of her days following Seth and Summer on her flamingo legs. She fell a lot because her heavy body was too much for her flamingo legs to carry. And when she fell the other flamingos that followed her would pounce on her, hoping to become her mate.  
  
Once discovered by the authorities underneath 12 angry flamingos, Anna was taken to the local insane asylum where she bunked with Marissa, who had been admitted after a fall from her balcony weeks before, piss drunk!  
  
Review, and you shall find out WHY Marissa fell. Come on, just do it, it's FUNNY! 


	2. The Truth About Chino Part 1

Chapter 2: The Truth About Chino part 1  
  
WHOOOOOOOO you're reviews rocked! This chapter is dedicated to all the flamingo lovers out there!  
  
Once upon a time in a shitty village called Chino  
  
Theresa was sitting in her kitchen when she decided that Marissa had to go, because Ryan did not love Theresa. She was pissed.  
  
So, riding a stolen bicycle with a banana seat, and streamers on her handlebars, Theresa made her way to Newport beach.  
  
After a long day's journey on the freeway, narrowly escaping death, Theresa arrived in front of the current Nichol home where Marissa was now living.  
  
After the doorbell rang, Marissa was roused out of her drunken stupor and slowly made her way downstairs to see who was there.  
  
By the time she arrived in the foyer, Julie had answered the door wearing only her Vegas show girl ensemble complete with featherbed headdress and was teaching doves how to fly in synchronicity. Meanwhile, Caitlin on top of her horse China made her way down the grand staircase.  
  
After narrowly missing a pile of horse shit, Marissa made her way to the door.  
  
Theresa did not wait to be invited in and marched into the house. Not even batting an eye at the Cooper-Nichol family circus, and made her way upstairs to where she assumed Marissa's room to be.  
  
After walking in on Caleb naked, Theresa finally found Marissa's room, and calmly waited for Marissa to follow her.  
  
Marissa finally found her way into her room and found Theresa arranging furniture in front of the balcony.  
  
Well, that's odd, someone could trip on that and fall, though Marissa, oh well. I love tequila! And she took another gulp.  
  
"So, Theresa, why are you here? Is there a party? I love parties! Whooooooooo!!!!"  
  
"Actually, Marissa I came to give you all my alcohol since I can't drink anymore."  
  
"Wow, that's so nice. Thanks!" Marissa exclaimed as she swallowed nearly half of the unmarked bottle of alcohol that Theresa passed her way.  
  
After seeing that Marissa could hardly stand on her own two feet, Theresa pushes Marisaa towards the balcony, and says, "Hey, look! Is that Ryan running in the nude with Luke and his gay dad?"  
  
"What where!?" exclaims Marissa as she leans EXTREMELY far over the balcony to get a good look. Then in one swift motion, Theresa wacked Marissa on the back of her tiny head and OVER the balcony she went.  
  
Theresa, delighted with her good luck, did a happy dance in the middle of Marissa's room. She then pulled out her spy gear, provided by the Chino spy supply and crept, not so stealthily, out of the house bypassing Caitlin and China as they made their way through the french door in the kitchen out to the pool for a swim.  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
Hours later, when the gardener was cleaning the yard, he discovered a pile of horse crap, underneath however was the body of a young girl. Further investigation revealed that it was Marissa.  
  
Authorities were called, and everyone met at Newport memorial to see if Marissa would pull through.  
  
Once Julie was given the okay to go in and visit Marissa she called Seth and Summer, knowing they would want to be there to support their friend.  
  
The whole crowd stood in a silent vigil by her bedside. When Marissa finally opened her eyes, the whole room turned to her and asked her how she was feeling, the response they got was one they never would have expected....  
  
"Meow" said Marissa. She then proceeded to "clean" herself by liking the soil from her body.  
  
"Marissa? Sweetie, are you okay?" asked Julie, the response was a hiss from Marissa.  
  
Then, without warning Marissa sprung into action and attacked Julie. By the time the guards had pulled Marissa off of her mother, Julie was covered in scratches from head to toe, and looked mortified.  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXAfter hours with a therapist, Marissa had been diagnosed with an identity disorder. She insisted that she was a cat, and answered only to the name Hakumi.  
  
Ryan, who was working an insane amount of hours to support Theresa and her skeet shooting hobby, returned from work. Upon entering the kitchen, Ryan stumbled on a giant poster board labeled "Plan to Kill Marissa hehe "  
  
Ryan, angered that Theresa would concoct such a plan right under his nose, stormed off to Newport.  
  
After calling the Cohen's and asking if they knew where Marissa was, Ryan arrived at the Newport Mental Asylum for the Insane. After asking to see Marissa, Ryan walked into her room.  
  
"Marissa, hey." Ryan said, "I'm so glad you're okay."  
  
"Hakumi no okay, Hakumi hurted. Owww!!!" Marissa growled.  
  
"What the hell is going on? Marissa, what happened?"  
  
"HAKUMI, Hakumi, hakumi. Me is Hakumi!" Marissa screeched while trying to scale the curtains. "Hakumi, want out, let Hakumi out, sir!"  
  
"Marissa, I'm Ryan, I'm so sorry this happened. I'm gonna get you out of here."  
  
"Hakumi! Me is Hakumi!!" Marissa yelled and then went to pee in her litter box.  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
A few days later, Marissa, I mean Hakumi, was released into Ryan's custody. Meanwhile, Ryan had spent every available moment searching for Theresa.  
  
He found her a week later, standing by the freeway trying to get a ride. One of her streamers had fallen off of her bike, and in an angry fit threw her prized bicycle into the middle of the freeway, causing a large fire and a twenty car accident.  
  
So now, she sat and waited for a ride.  
  
Ryan stormed over, and before Theresa could say anything, Ryan swung his leg into the air and powerfully kicked Theresa's head like a soccer ball.  
  
The force of the blow sending her flying into the middle of the freeway...  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX review and you shall learn what happens to Theresa in: The Truth About Chino part 2  
  
Thanks for reading!  
  
Ryan stormed over 


End file.
